Lo and behold. I am once again in a mental position requiring the writing of a blog entry. This time, dear reader, I’m worried about an audition I’m going to in four hours time. Not worried about what I might have to do, just trying to fight the small part of me that knows it would be easier just to forget it. If I don’t go there is no chance of disappointment afterwards. But of course, as I know from 22 years of experience, not doing things leads to something far worse than disappointment, regret. And frustration.
There’s always a reason not to do things. At the moment I am 68 days away from a 6 month trip to Australia with the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. Because that is looming I feel less motivated to do the things I need to do to fulfil my creative side. I haven’t written a sketch since August and the break up of Who is Jean?, I haven’t written stand up this year yet, in fact social media statuses and this blog are the sum total of my writing in 2012. This isn’t good enough for someone who wants to make a career out of this stuff.
I watched the incredible film Monsters 2 nights ago. A film made essentially by one man and a crew of four. Gareth Edwards had trained at film school and had 5 years of a VFX career to get to that point but he made a film to rival (and beat in most cases) the biggest Hollywood blockbusters. I can do that too, if I ACTUALLY GET DOWN TO WRITING AND FILMING.
It is hard work. It is so much easier to let tidying the flat, cooking, working, planning a trip to Australia, going to the cinema, watching DVDs come first but I know that in the moments when I sit down because I’ve finished folding the clothes or washing the dishes the only thing in my head is, why didn’t I write that stand up set? Why is that short film script unfilmed? To have a happy life, I personally must have creative output along with everything else. I do not operate without these things.
So, I will go to this audition. And most likely have a few days of worry about getting in and possibly another day of feeling down if I don’t. But it will be worth it because I will have done something to fuel my artistic desires. And maybe in the days of worry, I’ll write a new joke or pick up my camera.