I was at a flat party tonight. And I was supremely bored. This depth of feeling has nothing whatever to do with the particular party or the people there. It is my feeling at almost every party I have attended involving alcohol.
This party had no particular thing to celebrate other than getting people from work together in a non-work setting. It had a loose Easter theme but the only concessions to this were a couple of pairs of bunny ears and a few egg shaped treats.
These things always start well, a small group of people interacting usually communally with intermittent one on one conversations. Then as more arrive and more imbibing is done my experience has always been a tendency towards having very similar conversations to every conversation you’ve ever had with that person, or if you stumble upon someone you don’t know then it’ll be the same conversation you have had with someone else.
At some point as this happens I will stop drinking and start to notice the familiar moves of everyone present and fall out of the party into some void in my head. Perhaps the fault lies with me in not engaging with the collective consciousness in the room. But no matter how much effort I make to re-engage I get bored. Then do ridiculous things (as further new conversation is a non-starter).
Tonight that involved unfolding my cufflinked cuffs on my white shirt, climbing on the sofa and holding my arms aloft a la crucifixion. Attention seeking? Perhaps. But even that brought no engagement with anyone, no communication forged between the wonderful minds that were certainly present at that party. So I left feeling angry and alone amongst friends.
I’m sure the party is still in full swing and some there are still having a wonderful time. But I seem the wrong build for the party situation. And it troubles me.